i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
