and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
