I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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