smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Boobs speak an international language.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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