If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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