Your mouth is God's brothel.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
