sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
