So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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