i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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