If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
