her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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