The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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