Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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