I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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