I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
