Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
