While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
