i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
