You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
