you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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