I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
