I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
