I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
