Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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