eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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