you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
