He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
