cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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