Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
