they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
