I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
