she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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