1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
