My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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