After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
