I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
