Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
