im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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