she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
