shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
