well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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