Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
