i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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