I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize