i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
