you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
