Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
