i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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