dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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