dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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