I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
