cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
