So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
