Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
