i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
