Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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