I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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