Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
