My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
