I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize