he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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