is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
