What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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