'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
