for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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