whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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