what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
