i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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