I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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