TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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