I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
