You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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