i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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