I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
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