You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
