dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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