Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
