dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
