Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
