She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
