I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
