I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
