First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
