I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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