what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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