Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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